hi everyone

iv been so depressed so far this year so had my meds doubled. today i cried if a stayed still and couldnt stop cleaning as it stopped me feeling sad. iv been feelin all energetic and frantic. i cleaned my whole flat including the doors lol. i also said i was goin to clean bridges, i am unsure why but luckily forgot about this idea. i think the meds r kicking in.

my sleep pattern is totally ruined aswell atm, when i was really really depressed i slept non-stop almost but past few days iv been sleepin from bout 7am to 3pm!! need to get this sorted.

today a friend came round for a quick visit. i got him to pick me up some alcohol so i can cheer up when sat alone. it was good to see someone as its the first person iv seen this year apart from my GP. it made me sad tho, thinkin how un-sociable iv become. but its just so hard for me to b around people lots these days and im constantly wishin to escape to my flat. and then when i do, i feel totally releaved or sometimes absoultely dissapointed with myself. im confused why i do this. i hate myself! this sucks. gonna drink more.

anyway, least iv not binged for aaages but however not really losing much weight but not putting any on so thats a relief!!

hope everyone is well xxx